The Blind Date/Jerk 10

Hello blogfam...hp u are having a great week so far...Wednesday is fast becoming my fav day...I get to put up a new post and Arrow the tv show is on Wednesday too...Yaay!!!

I so wanted to write about something else cos the blind date is not worth talking abt....but I promised..*rme*.....here it goes...the date that started with a pop and ended with a slap..lool

Okay so a friend of mine told me about her cousin tht lives in Birmingham and she thinks would be awesome for me...cn u remember hw I told u guys tht all my friends have decided it's their mission in life to find the one for me......And since I am pretty much not doing anything and my life can be a bit or really boring..if am being honest. I accepted but I told her not to send pictures of either of us to each other....I have never really been on a blind date..so I wanted it to be proper blind...so none of us have judgement calls or reservations abt appearances

The day of the blind date came and lord knows I just didn't hv the strength to go...I was tired and I almost cancelled but I thought to myself that, thts hw people meet the 'one' on tv or in books...u knw when the person wud be like he/she almost cancelled bt when he/she went, they ended up meeting the one....so I dressed up and dragged myself to the restaurant. When I got there, I had to look for the guy with the weird geek glasses and blue blazer...turned out there were quite a few weird glasses nd blue blazer wearing men at the spot...but finally located the guy tht was waving madly...

The guy was at the bar drinking already..We got a table and started talking...he was cool but a bit tipsy...tht should have been a warning sign.. he was chewing gum and ws making really loud sounds...but I decided to ignore and not find faults until my guy put his hand inside his mouth to twist his gum and make a loud popping sound...I was in shock...ws just staring...u shd have seen how the whole restaurant turned...I just lowered myself into the chair and the guy was giggling...nd this is a 26 year old somebody ooo. Anyways our orders came....and we started eating, and I was almost over the shock of the gum popping when I just saw another fork creeping on my plate to take a piece of my fish...I didn't even knw when I slapped his fork away...loool...

I was still trying to be calm until the waiter came and he asked if we would like some dessert...and he said no, and the waiter turned to me..I was about to say no and the guy just said thts no for both of us...I just looked at him...he was like you know sugar is not good for you and you really should manage your weight....oh wow...I just told the waiter thank you and said I was ready to go home....so I went outside to wait for a cab...only for the guy to come outside and he was like I hp u are not too offended, but you know when I saw you at first...I was like you are a bit chubbier than girls I normally date but I think if we get together...I cn help you blossom....nd I replied that, it's nice to see romance is not dead..dnt knw if it was the sarcastic tone or the statement...the guy just started yelling, see this one...am even trying to help you...I just wanted to sleep with...you are below me....cnt date fat ugly girls like you....didn't knw when I raised my hand...I just heard a sound and saw the guy holding his face...I was still staring at my hand when my cab came....saved by the cab..

So thts the blind date....the boy apologized...sent me an email and also told his cousin to apologize..tht he was drunk....I dnt knw where my friends get all the people they introduce to me sef...like if my friend thinks me and this guy have things in common...wt is she really trying to say..*side-eye*..cos I don't understand.

On the bright side...we got a Jerk story from it...the 10th jerk story in the series.....I definitely won't be going on blind dates or even any dates any time soon...am tired..lool...no more looking for the 'one'...the 'one' should come and find me in the comfort of my home...

Also today is a dedicated reader's bday...Ifeoma Ehiri..wishing u a fab day. Y'all should have a great week...see you nxt week by God's grace...

Dating Fails

Happy Wednesday blogfam...happy blog day

So am laying in my bed sick but I cnt sleep...so I decided to write the post for the week...

Okay so am going on a blind date this week and my friend was asking if I was nervous or shy...and she was surprised my answer was no...I cnt be nervous...not with the dating experiences I have had in this my short history of dating...so I hv decided to share some of them with u guys...so u cn understand..lool

I think my most humiliating experience wen it comes to dating is when my childhood love and I rekindled our 'love'...and then we started dating..kind of sha..then I went ova to his place and we were playing in his room..wen I fell on the bed and broke it...loool..well I was massive then tho...

The second most humiliating experience was with my ex-boyfriend, it was our first date and he took me to a restaurant...I had been feeling gassy all day and I had tried to get out of the date but he thot I wanted to stand him up...so I decided to go and as we were about to order our food...didn't knw when I just started farting repeatedly and very loudly....lool...gosh it was so embarrassing...everyone including me was just trying to act like nothing was happening...cnt believe my ex-boyfriend still went on to date me...bless his heart

The third most humiliating experience was actually with Mr S...we had just started whatever we were doing and then we had a cinema date, but when I saw him, he had a terrible cold..so if suggested that he stayed over in my place so I cud take proper care of him...nd then because my bed was a single bed and with my fat self...I barely fitted on the bed...I told him to take the bed and I would sleep on the floor, even tho bless his heart..he objected bt I was in my trying to move from fling to girlfriend mode..I was like am fine...if u see hw I was shivering in the night bt I was so embarrassed to tell him I wanted to get on the bed..most uncomfortable night Eva..dnt knw who sent me.

So with all these wonderful experiences and many more...how can I be nervous...what else can happen tht has already not happened...probabli break a chair..oh well the joy and awkwardness of being Jumoke. The only thing I am worried about is tht the person might be boring and I might feel sleepy immediately I start talking to him..loool...tht won't be good.

So I will gist you guys abt my blind date nxt week...fingers crossed...it goes well.. Hv a grt week guys

The New Zone

 Hey blogfam...hp you are having a grt week. It's Wednesday...so time for a new post

So we all know the different dating zones...the family zone...thts the brother/sister zone..which is the saddest zone cos there's no getting out of it...at least u cnt date your brother or the one tht the boy u have a crush refers to you as big mama or mummy..loool...u cnt go and date your son..wait I think it's only fat ppl tht enters tht zone...lool

Then the most common zone which is the friend zone...I think ppl scream too much abt this zone..like be calm...you can still get out of this zone..trust me guys...just because a girl thinks of you or calls you a friend doesn't mean she cnt date you, at least she didn't call you her brother. In this friend zone too..there's a new sub zone...the 'I really like you but I don't want to destroy our friendship' zone....yimu

Now getting to the point of this post...there's a new zone in the dating world...thinking abt it nw..it's nt really new...anyways it's a zone I just found myself in...poor Jumoke. The name of the zone is pretty long but stay with me...drumroll ppl....the 'If I didn't have a girlfriend, I would have dated you 'zone...yup thts my current zone..well I dnt plan to stay there for long... emi ti mo ti step out mehn... Like I dnt knw why boys do or say this...like why are you telling me...okay we like each but you have a girlfriend and a perfect relationship....then let's keep it moving...but no they won't let you go and find your destiny...na wa ooo. 

Actually I hv been in this I like you but I have a girlfriend zone twice...first time I really didn't mind cos the boy kept coming up with stories of how horrible his gf was, so I kept thinking he wud break up with her and be with me...but I cme to my senses sharply, when the gf attacked me and the bf supported her..well wt did I expect. So now I think any girl tht finds herself in this zone and still sits there...then enjoy being a side chic for the rest of your life...cos the nigga ain't leaving his gf anytime soon...so start stepping and look for your boo somewhere else.

If you know you can't or won't date someone...then why tell them anything...if u knw u cherish your friendship...then why are u telling the girl u like her..wen u knw u won't end up dating her or since you knw you have a gf...why are u bothering the girl....let her be...

Well thts all I hv for this post...enjoy the rest of your week....

Good Luck Jumoke

It's Wednesday ppl...whoop..time for a new post.

Hv u guys seen the movie Good Luck Chuck...well thts the inspiration for this post...so a quick recap of the movie for the ppl tht hv not seen it...the movie is about a guy tht every girl he dated ended up finding the right person immediately he broke up with them...so the gist is tht he was like a good luck charm

And how does this relate to you Jumoke..u ask...well I think I might be the nxt good luck Jumoke...the good luck charm for guys I date or dated. Like am not joking...every guy tht has dated or had a fling with me has gone straight from me to meeting the right person or at least someone tht was the right person for them then...let me share some examples...dnt worry I dnt mind...sharing is caring..lool

First example is my first boyfriend...the one I thot I was destined to marry...let's call him Mr A...Mr A and I dated for like a year and a half..really liked each other but we cud not cope with the long distance relationship...do you know few months after we broke up...Mr A met like the proper love of his life...at least she was the love of his life for like 5 years...can you see good luck Jumoke at work..they hv broken up nw tho bt lets nt dwell on tht...movin on..lool

Second example...our dearest Mr S has met the one...at least someone he likes...even though he thot he could never love again....this is thanks to the good luck charm he has in his life..which is....let me hear you say it...yh thts right..Me!!!...whoop...gosh I hv issues, but seriously Mr S and I just ended whatever was going on and he already found someone...even tho I still want to and am going to kick him in the groin bt lets nt think abt tht one nw...we are focused on my good luck charm.

So let me advertise myself here...all you boys tht are looking for love but hv nt yet found...you might like to tap into this wonderful good luck of mine....apparently I bring love to all those tht seek it...so try me today and the love of your life might jst cme running into your arms....loool....

Thts all for today....you can also subscribe to the blog by clicking the subscribe button at the end of the page..thanks.. Hv a grt week guys...see you nxt Wednesday #remainblessed. 

The Angry Black Woman

 Hey guys...it's Wednesday people...time for a new post.

So I had a different post planned for this week but something came this weekend and I just had to gist you guys. I don't knw if you have seen the movie 'The Diary of A Mad Black Woman'...well this post is inspired by tht movie....

Let me tell you guys a short story...wen Mr S and I were still fooling ourselves...there was a time I was at his place and his flatmate and his girl friend started arguing about the boy cheating on her and then before we could say jack...the babe had carried the boy's new Mac book and threw it out the window..lool and the apartment was on the 20th floor...so it was a long way down..also the girl ran out of the house and went downstairs to where the laptop was and started smashing the hard drive with her feet..it was a very dramatic day mehn...

While this was going on, I can remember I was gisting my best friend and I was like oh my goodness..me I cnt be like this ooo..girls are crazy mehn and when Mr S disrespected me this weekend just because I was trying to be his friend...and I remembered hw much of a jerk he was...the anger that came over me...I dnt even knw where it came from, my first thought was that I wish Mr S had a car cos I just wanted to buy a bucket of paint and pour it all over the car...then I thought about doing a drive by and throwing a rock through his window...lool 

But since I am in a foreign country and I dnt want to get deported..I have decided to refrain myself and put my anger into a more useful area....and so I have taken up kick boxing and karate...I think my instructor is scared of me sef cos I have so much anger and I just visualize Mr S' face on the punching bag and I just kick the hell out of the bag...lool..cn u ppl feel the anger... Anyways Mr S and I go to the same church..so am trying to learn hw to pull a Jackie chan move..u knw all those subtle moves tht u wud kick someone and u wud hv left before the person even knws wt happened...am going to kick him so hard in the groin...he has to feel the same amount of emotional pain I felt. 

The funniest thing is I never thought I was this kind of person...like get this angry and want to inflict pain on a boy but I think if you fall in love with someone and you do everything for the person...and they misbehave...i think it changes you and makes you a different person...so girls never say never...u can be the next angry black woman....

Ride or Die Chick

Hey guys....hp you are having a great week. So am in the process of re-branding my blog...it's been a year since I started the blog..whoop!!!..and I have decided to create a timeline for putting up a post so at least you guys can be sure there is something new every week...so expect new posts every Wednesday. Also am thinking of making this blog personal..putting up funny videos of me and also having guest writers...anyways still in process...let's get bk to today's post

So it's like in this day and age..the new cool thing is to be a ride or die chick well you cant blame them when they have celebs as role models...Chris brown and his gfs, Annie Idiba and etc....I hp everyone understands what a ride or die chick means...okay let me explain wt I think it means...a ride or die chick is someone who is there for her man..no matter what bullshit he puts her thru....

Okay so I have had personal experiences of me trying to be a ride or die chick...it just sounds so gangasta and sometimes you have to be...so there was this guy..let's just call him Mr H. We really liked each other, so he came to pick me up one time from my house..we were going to OAU campus..I noticed the car was already misbehaving but he was like don't worry...as far as I dnt press the brake...I was like you don't press the brake ke...huh...anyways we get to the campus and at the gate you have to collect a tally...thts hw my guy pressed the brake...the car just died and the gate is really tiny...and cars line up to collect the tally..so we were creating a hold up and me I had a short dress on with make up...me I was already sweating cos I was so embarrassed...thts hw with one hand holding my short dress and the other pushing the car until we cud get on a freeway...with tht I had to pull a fast and furious move and jump into the car sharply...so tht he didn't have to press the brake. Even with all this I didn't mind, still really liked him until I found out he was actually dating someone else already.......imagine

The thing is I don't have a problem with girls tht want to be ride or die chicks....but I think as you get older you become sensible....I dnt think I cn form a ride or die chick at this my age...like I cnt have a boyfriend who would cheat on me like five times and even get some one pregnant and I will still be forming ride or die chick...thts nonsense..it just shows the boy is not loyal and doesn't respect you. Or a boy that all he does is collect money from you..like there's nothing wrong with helping ur bf but even you sef u would knw wen the person is playing on your intelligence. Me I think wen ppl stay in those kind of relationships..it's cos the sex is really good....am just saying..cos why would you be sad all the time in your relationship and still stick with it..trust me..love should not be hard.

Can you guys remember tht guy I told u about tht liked driving my car and would just increase the AC to the highest...if am forming ride or die with tht one...shey my AC won't hv spoilt since..loool. Seriously am all for me and a boy building our dreams together...I really don't care if a boy is rich or not...just because he's nt rich nw doesn't mean he cnt be later in the future....am all for ambitions, goals, promising future...a hardworking guy shikena. But wen a boy starts being disloyal and disrespectful to ur relationship...then it's time to move on...ain't nobody gat time for tht...esp wen u are in your middle twenties...leave the ride or die chick attitude for the teenagers...

I hp you enjoyed this post....see you guys next week Wednesday....

Valentine's Day of Life

Hey guys....I know its been a minute bt this absence is actually nt my fault...went to Nigeria for the holidays and the internet situation in Naija is just horrible....bt am back in my beloved country...and finally back online. So I actually had this post planned for awhile now but then the internet ish happened...so sorry it's coming so soon to valentine's day

So the 'love season' is here again.....*rme*...I actually enjoy valentine's day..I knw ppl find it weird wen I say tht cos valentine's day is supposed to be a horrible day for single ppl...well not me...I count it as a holiday cos I get to stuff myself with chocolates and cake without feeling guilty...also the price of chocolates reduce drastically...joy to my world.

Anyways enuf abt me..this post was originally intended for my single readers but after talking to some of my friends in a relationship...I realize most of them actually dread this particular day....so I decided to change the focus of the post. Okay so I was talking to a friend of mine in a relationship and I was teasing him about valentine's day...nd he jst lashed out saying am tired of getting gifts jare...wts the fuss  sef...u cn see it was all the bottled up anger coming out and I had to calm him down and reorientate abt Val's day

The thing couples don't realize is that they are the ones tht put the pressure on themselves concerning Val's day...life is not that hard. I know tht boy's girlfriend and trust me she was not expecting any gifts....she was tired of receiving gifts sef....and I told the boy it doesn't have to be all about gifts....why don't you do some practical and fun stuff with your partner that doesn't cost any money at all. 

Like if you know you and your partner are spiritual people and are serious abt your relationship...why don't both of you spend it in a fast and end with prayers abt your relationship...also set some goals. Okay if that's not your cup of tea...why don't you do sweet things for each other...leave notes for each other or send a romantic message..that might not be something u do normally or even like to do esp if u are a closet romantic like me but at least your bf/gf knows how hard it was for u nd tht makes the effort more worthwhile.

People need to get the materialistic mentality they have about Val's day....it's nt all abt material things...as I hv become much older...I realize I really don't want gifts on Val's day...I think it's too cliche...the guy should surprise me on other days with gifts....also most of the Val's gifts ppl give out are too generic...not so much thought is put into it.

So on Val's day...couples don't be scared...dnt put pressure on each other..if u are lucky enough to be in a relationship with someone you love and is in love with you..that's a blessing on its own...be thankful for tht and just think of ways you can fall in love with each other over and over again...nd forget abt the gifts. To all my single ppl....pls no misery is allowed on Val's day...be thankful for life..be hopeful that you would soon find the one... and also drink plenty of wine and eat lots of chocolate.