What is Love?

 Hello my darlings!!! Welcome to another Wednesday and another post. So today am bringing out the big guns, am talking about love. Yeah it's a diary about my single life but I got asked a question by a friend and I thought I should discuss it on the blog.

So I was talking to my friends over the weekend and one of them asked the question, what is love to you? I know love is defined by people as an indescribable feeling you have for someone blah blah, but what happens when the feeling starts to dim or starts to become describable...what would keep that feeling of love ablaze?

As I was pondering on the question, I finally got an answer and love to me is trust and respect, I think those are the two things that would keep me going in a relationship even when the butterflies don't flutter as much. Trust is very important to me and I think it's the stronghold of a relationship, a man would show me that he loves me by trusting me and in me, and also vice versa. A guy that is in love with me should know that I would not let him down and I have his back, he can let his fears, vulnerabilities and insecurities show when he's with me because he trusts me enough to see that and be that way with me. 

Also when am in love with someone, I give them 100% of everything because I trust them enough to know they won't mess around, cheat or break my heart. Trust is so important to me that I don't know if I can ever stay in a relationship if the trust is broken, I know friends that have been cheated on and stayed, and their relationship has come out stronger..so kudos to that commitment,  because it can't be easy.

Love to me is also respect, knowing that I respect someone enough to let them have their dreams, gals, ambitions, opinions and views on life issues without having them feel like they have to compromise because of me. Also someone that loves me should respect me enough not to cheat or make me look like a fool, because boys nowadays can make a girl look crazy. Respect the boundaries we create and know when to let go and when to hold me down..that sounds like a song lyrics lool

What irks me about boys that cheat apart from the fact that they think it's impossible to not cheat which we all know is bullshit, because God didn't create you with a cheating gene, is the lack of disrespect they have for their girlfriends. If you know you want to have side chicks and your girlfriend decides to stay with you despite that, then at least show her some respect by keeping the side chics in line and respecting the girlfriend's boundaries..don't ever make her look like a fool.

Love means different things to people and it's expressed differently. My friends had different answers, someone said love is passion and commitment, while another said love is pain and decision, which i loved because the pain part is soo true. And there's no right or wrong answer, it's how love is seen and defined by people.

So to you my blog fam, in two words describe what love means to you.  Can't wait to read your views in the comment section. Hp you have a great week, be blessed and remain safe xoxo.

Goodbye Mr K

 Hi Blogfam, am sad today. I broke up with a friend yesterday, yeah you read that right, yes a friend not boyfriend

I met Mr K through a mutual friend when I needed help with my school project, and we hit it off instantly. We were always on the phone, talking and laughing, I actually never thought about a relationship with Mr K, but as time went on, I developed a crush on him. Then one night we were talking as per usual and I mistakenly told him I had a crush but I told him I didn't want to talk about it.

Later this year when we were talking, I reminded him about that conversation and he says oh yeah it was easy for him not to talk about it because he didn't want make it any awkward because he doesn't like me that way and already knew immediately he met me. I was beyond shocked and sad but I played it off and told him the crush was already gone sef, but I knew I still really liked him. After this conversation, I started working on moving away from him, thankfully the project we were working on ended and we didn't have to talk as much.

Recently I moved away from my school and friends and I got back into the routine of talking to him, then we started working on a new project and the time spent on the phone started becoming longer and as much as I tried to get my head and heart on the same page, it was not working, I was getting more attracted to him.

So yesterday I decided to make a decision and take the high road, I decided to break up our friendship. Since I can't cut him off from my life because we work together, I told him to stop thinking of me as friend and just as a client, so that means no unnecessary phone calls, no calling to check on me and business at all times. As I was having this conversation with him, a tiny actually a large part of me kept hoping he would declare his love but sadly that didn't happen. That confirmed to me I made the right decision, I know it sounds petty and childish and probably is, but it's the only way I know how to protect myself and I need to.

We have not yet tested out our new working relationship since we had the conversation and it might not work, hopefully it does but I had to do something for my sanity. I really would have cut him out of my life if not for the project and that he's best at what he does. Fingers crossed we would be able to salvage the friendship later in life but as of right now the friendship is dead. Goodbye Mr K

Needed to rant... Thanks for reading lool. Be safe xoxo

The Exes

 Hey blogfam, am back!!!..I thank God the writer's block is over, I missed writing. So let's get into it, so much juicy stuff to tell you guys.

So I don't know what's going on with the water in Nigeria but someone needs to fix it, because at least two of my exes popped back into my life and that same week, my friend also told me about her ex getting in touch with her. Can you see what I mean about the water?

One of my exes that popped up is actually not really an ex but a former serious fling, let's call him Mr B. I met Mr B immediately after school, he was older than me, like ten years older than me, it was actually through him I realized I fancied older men. I really liked him and wanted a relationship with him but he kept taking me for granted and treated me anyhow.

After I moved away for Nysc, I was able to move on from him and I cut him out of life until last week when I got a text from Mr B, I was so surprised and then the surprise turned to shock when he said he has realized am the one he wants to marry...wawu..ehen is that how they marry, after almost three years of no communication, can you see some people need their brains checked. I told him to go and pray so that God can reveal his actual wife..it ain't me nigga. 

Then the second ex is the one I just broke up with recently, after almost two months of not talking, I see missed calls from him, like why is he calling me, I don't understand. I know I always tell people it's possible to be friends with your exes, yeah but that development happens maybe a year after your break up, not immediately after. Let me clarify when I say I become friends with my exes, it actually means am on friendly terms with them, so I can see them outside and be able to say hi without wanting to bitch slap or kick them in the balls. But I don't let it get to the point that we would be chilling together, talking on the phone or pinging, nah mehn it's not that deep.

My friend was actually contemplating getting back with her ex, and am all for second chances, but I had to remind her he's an ex for a reason. It's easy to start romanticizing the past and all the time you spent together and forget the bad times but exes are in the past and should stay there if they need to. At the same time I told her what I tell people, if you really feel this can work the second time and you can forgive and forget the past, then go for it baby boys and girls lool. You are the only that can determine who and what you want in life.

This is where I stop today. Hope you enjoyed reading. Have a blessed week and stay safe xoxo

Friend Zoned

 Hi blogfam, hp y'all having a great week, I want to apologize for my absence from the blog, this past month was a busy one for me, but am back and its Wednesday, time for another guest blogger but I would start writing myself from next week.

Today we have a good friend of mine and also an ardent reader of the blog, she would be sharing a recent encounter. Hope you enjoy it. Have a great Wednesday.




                                                    FRIEND ZONED
 Have you ever met a dude that turned out to be everything you wanted in a man. By everything I mean he has good physique, he is fine. He just has the perfect qualities and when you thought everything was going fine, he friend zoned you and you were not given a memo you would be friend zoned. He just friend zoned you in his head.

I met this guy. Let's call him Mr Z. Mr Z is a fine, tall, fair guy I met in church. Been scoping him for a while though(yeah I know what you are thinking..scoping a dude in the house of God)but trust me everybody is guilty of my offense. So luckily for me one Sunday my family members decided not to go to church so I took public transportation to church.

After service Mr Z picked me from church and dropped me at a nearest bus-stop. You can't imagine how excited I was. But we didn't exchange numbers and I didn't see him again till he sent me a message on twitter. When I saw the message from him I practically rolled on the floor. Excitement ran through my veins. Apparently he felt the same way for me.

Went out on a couple of dates,he told me he liked me,I reciprocated the feeling, we had our first kiss and I was so sure he was the one for me. Everything fell in place. You know that feeling when you meet the perfect man. We called ourselves everyday and night and couldn't wait to see each other.
Then suddenly he became very distant. He wasn't the Mr Z I knew. He stopped calling. He practically stopped checking on me.

I thought I didn't something wrong to him because I was shocked that someone that sweet would just change for no cause. Well my ego came into the matter also and I didn't bother to ask what I did to warrant such distance. I was already falling for him. So one day I took the courage to call him. I wanted to ask him what I did wrong. As soon as he picked the call I was mute so I just told him I called to check on him and he ended the call.

I didn't want to believe I had being friend zoned. I just thought he had had a very bad week and that one day we would be fine again. Well that happened in my dreams. I have this friend, we will call her Miss T. I told her about Mr Z and I and she assured me to calm down this friend, we will call her Miss T. I told her about Mr Z and I and she assured me to calm down and that maybe he has been having bad days and that she wouldn't mind calling him to ask what went wrong.

The funny thing that Miss T called Mr Z and to my greatest surprise he told her that we were better off friends. I got friend zoned without knowing. It would have made sense if he had given me the heads up that he didn't think we would ever work. So I'm like why did we get so close, why didn't I just read the handwriting on the wall because I am so sure I saw signs since he stopped calling and keeping in touch and most importantly why didn't he have the guts to friend zone me that a third party had to get involved.

Mr Z and I are still friends though. In a way I'm glad we never dated. I guess at the end he was right. We better off as friends.