What is Love?

 Hello my darlings!!! Welcome to another Wednesday and another post. So today am bringing out the big guns, am talking about love. Yeah it's a diary about my single life but I got asked a question by a friend and I thought I should discuss it on the blog.

So I was talking to my friends over the weekend and one of them asked the question, what is love to you? I know love is defined by people as an indescribable feeling you have for someone blah blah, but what happens when the feeling starts to dim or starts to become describable...what would keep that feeling of love ablaze?

As I was pondering on the question, I finally got an answer and love to me is trust and respect, I think those are the two things that would keep me going in a relationship even when the butterflies don't flutter as much. Trust is very important to me and I think it's the stronghold of a relationship, a man would show me that he loves me by trusting me and in me, and also vice versa. A guy that is in love with me should know that I would not let him down and I have his back, he can let his fears, vulnerabilities and insecurities show when he's with me because he trusts me enough to see that and be that way with me. 

Also when am in love with someone, I give them 100% of everything because I trust them enough to know they won't mess around, cheat or break my heart. Trust is so important to me that I don't know if I can ever stay in a relationship if the trust is broken, I know friends that have been cheated on and stayed, and their relationship has come out stronger..so kudos to that commitment,  because it can't be easy.

Love to me is also respect, knowing that I respect someone enough to let them have their dreams, gals, ambitions, opinions and views on life issues without having them feel like they have to compromise because of me. Also someone that loves me should respect me enough not to cheat or make me look like a fool, because boys nowadays can make a girl look crazy. Respect the boundaries we create and know when to let go and when to hold me down..that sounds like a song lyrics lool

What irks me about boys that cheat apart from the fact that they think it's impossible to not cheat which we all know is bullshit, because God didn't create you with a cheating gene, is the lack of disrespect they have for their girlfriends. If you know you want to have side chicks and your girlfriend decides to stay with you despite that, then at least show her some respect by keeping the side chics in line and respecting the girlfriend's boundaries..don't ever make her look like a fool.

Love means different things to people and it's expressed differently. My friends had different answers, someone said love is passion and commitment, while another said love is pain and decision, which i loved because the pain part is soo true. And there's no right or wrong answer, it's how love is seen and defined by people.

So to you my blog fam, in two words describe what love means to you.  Can't wait to read your views in the comment section. Hp you have a great week, be blessed and remain safe xoxo.

Goodbye Mr K

 Hi Blogfam, am sad today. I broke up with a friend yesterday, yeah you read that right, yes a friend not boyfriend

I met Mr K through a mutual friend when I needed help with my school project, and we hit it off instantly. We were always on the phone, talking and laughing, I actually never thought about a relationship with Mr K, but as time went on, I developed a crush on him. Then one night we were talking as per usual and I mistakenly told him I had a crush but I told him I didn't want to talk about it.

Later this year when we were talking, I reminded him about that conversation and he says oh yeah it was easy for him not to talk about it because he didn't want make it any awkward because he doesn't like me that way and already knew immediately he met me. I was beyond shocked and sad but I played it off and told him the crush was already gone sef, but I knew I still really liked him. After this conversation, I started working on moving away from him, thankfully the project we were working on ended and we didn't have to talk as much.

Recently I moved away from my school and friends and I got back into the routine of talking to him, then we started working on a new project and the time spent on the phone started becoming longer and as much as I tried to get my head and heart on the same page, it was not working, I was getting more attracted to him.

So yesterday I decided to make a decision and take the high road, I decided to break up our friendship. Since I can't cut him off from my life because we work together, I told him to stop thinking of me as friend and just as a client, so that means no unnecessary phone calls, no calling to check on me and business at all times. As I was having this conversation with him, a tiny actually a large part of me kept hoping he would declare his love but sadly that didn't happen. That confirmed to me I made the right decision, I know it sounds petty and childish and probably is, but it's the only way I know how to protect myself and I need to.

We have not yet tested out our new working relationship since we had the conversation and it might not work, hopefully it does but I had to do something for my sanity. I really would have cut him out of my life if not for the project and that he's best at what he does. Fingers crossed we would be able to salvage the friendship later in life but as of right now the friendship is dead. Goodbye Mr K

Needed to rant... Thanks for reading lool. Be safe xoxo

The Exes

 Hey blogfam, am back!!!..I thank God the writer's block is over, I missed writing. So let's get into it, so much juicy stuff to tell you guys.

So I don't know what's going on with the water in Nigeria but someone needs to fix it, because at least two of my exes popped back into my life and that same week, my friend also told me about her ex getting in touch with her. Can you see what I mean about the water?

One of my exes that popped up is actually not really an ex but a former serious fling, let's call him Mr B. I met Mr B immediately after school, he was older than me, like ten years older than me, it was actually through him I realized I fancied older men. I really liked him and wanted a relationship with him but he kept taking me for granted and treated me anyhow.

After I moved away for Nysc, I was able to move on from him and I cut him out of life until last week when I got a text from Mr B, I was so surprised and then the surprise turned to shock when he said he has realized am the one he wants to marry...wawu..ehen is that how they marry, after almost three years of no communication, can you see some people need their brains checked. I told him to go and pray so that God can reveal his actual wife..it ain't me nigga. 

Then the second ex is the one I just broke up with recently, after almost two months of not talking, I see missed calls from him, like why is he calling me, I don't understand. I know I always tell people it's possible to be friends with your exes, yeah but that development happens maybe a year after your break up, not immediately after. Let me clarify when I say I become friends with my exes, it actually means am on friendly terms with them, so I can see them outside and be able to say hi without wanting to bitch slap or kick them in the balls. But I don't let it get to the point that we would be chilling together, talking on the phone or pinging, nah mehn it's not that deep.

My friend was actually contemplating getting back with her ex, and am all for second chances, but I had to remind her he's an ex for a reason. It's easy to start romanticizing the past and all the time you spent together and forget the bad times but exes are in the past and should stay there if they need to. At the same time I told her what I tell people, if you really feel this can work the second time and you can forgive and forget the past, then go for it baby boys and girls lool. You are the only that can determine who and what you want in life.

This is where I stop today. Hope you enjoyed reading. Have a blessed week and stay safe xoxo

Friend Zoned

 Hi blogfam, hp y'all having a great week, I want to apologize for my absence from the blog, this past month was a busy one for me, but am back and its Wednesday, time for another guest blogger but I would start writing myself from next week.

Today we have a good friend of mine and also an ardent reader of the blog, she would be sharing a recent encounter. Hope you enjoy it. Have a great Wednesday.




                                                    FRIEND ZONED
 Have you ever met a dude that turned out to be everything you wanted in a man. By everything I mean he has good physique, he is fine. He just has the perfect qualities and when you thought everything was going fine, he friend zoned you and you were not given a memo you would be friend zoned. He just friend zoned you in his head.

I met this guy. Let's call him Mr Z. Mr Z is a fine, tall, fair guy I met in church. Been scoping him for a while though(yeah I know what you are thinking..scoping a dude in the house of God)but trust me everybody is guilty of my offense. So luckily for me one Sunday my family members decided not to go to church so I took public transportation to church.

After service Mr Z picked me from church and dropped me at a nearest bus-stop. You can't imagine how excited I was. But we didn't exchange numbers and I didn't see him again till he sent me a message on twitter. When I saw the message from him I practically rolled on the floor. Excitement ran through my veins. Apparently he felt the same way for me.

Went out on a couple of dates,he told me he liked me,I reciprocated the feeling, we had our first kiss and I was so sure he was the one for me. Everything fell in place. You know that feeling when you meet the perfect man. We called ourselves everyday and night and couldn't wait to see each other.
Then suddenly he became very distant. He wasn't the Mr Z I knew. He stopped calling. He practically stopped checking on me.

I thought I didn't something wrong to him because I was shocked that someone that sweet would just change for no cause. Well my ego came into the matter also and I didn't bother to ask what I did to warrant such distance. I was already falling for him. So one day I took the courage to call him. I wanted to ask him what I did wrong. As soon as he picked the call I was mute so I just told him I called to check on him and he ended the call.

I didn't want to believe I had being friend zoned. I just thought he had had a very bad week and that one day we would be fine again. Well that happened in my dreams. I have this friend, we will call her Miss T. I told her about Mr Z and I and she assured me to calm down this friend, we will call her Miss T. I told her about Mr Z and I and she assured me to calm down and that maybe he has been having bad days and that she wouldn't mind calling him to ask what went wrong.

The funny thing that Miss T called Mr Z and to my greatest surprise he told her that we were better off friends. I got friend zoned without knowing. It would have made sense if he had given me the heads up that he didn't think we would ever work. So I'm like why did we get so close, why didn't I just read the handwriting on the wall because I am so sure I saw signs since he stopped calling and keeping in touch and most importantly why didn't he have the guts to friend zone me that a third party had to get involved.

Mr Z and I are still friends though. In a way I'm glad we never dated. I guess at the end he was right. We better off as friends.

The Very Single Guy

Hey blogfam, am soooooo sorry I have not updated in awhile, have been suffering from writer's block. So due to that literary emergency, we are going to be having guest bloggers for a few weeks and you guys can become one too. If you have a story or an issue you would like to talk about, just send the piece to my email adejumokesijuwade@gmail.com and I would put it on the blog.

So for this Wednesday, the blog is being taken over by a male friend of mine, I hope you enjoy the post.

                                                    

                                           THE VERY SINGLE GUY

We live in a world where most guys (like me) are single, while most of the ladies  are in a relationship. Then you begin to wonder who the ladies are actually dating when the guys seem to be single. Perhaps guys remain single because they want to mingle, whereas the ladies don't want to be pestered. If you have a doubt about that you could kindly go to some of your friends' profile on Facebook and see things for yourself.

Anyway, I am technically 'very single' not because I've chosen to be but because fate has made it so. Now you might be asking why I blame fate instead of myself. Relax and see where I am coming from. As a boy I grew up in the midst of girls, as in, beautiful girls; my male friends were wondering how they (the girls) found it very comfortable playing with me. To the extent that some guys may want me to hook them up with a girl.

On my part any of the female friends I try to be intimate with, will either be antagonised by the other girls or she may only want me as a friend (friend zoning things) or to see me as a brother (welcome to the brotherhood)! It baffled & still baffles me a lot that I have to ask why it happens that way. Imagine the kind of explanation I once got:
 "You are very nice and interesting, I don't find it difficult to discuss anything with you. It would be fun to be in a relationship with you but I don't want to lose you."

When I  tried to convince a babe on how I adored & cherished her, that we wouldn't lose each other, then I got a cracker:
"While in a relationship a boyfriend & a girlfriend may likely quarrel (which is normal) and may break up (that's if they failed to reconcile) and then become arch-enemies but it's hardly like that with friends."

To crown it all, I went to the Seminary and got to adulthood as one who wants to become a Rev. Father. I guess you now know what influence such formation will have in one's life .Now that I am no longer going to be a priest, I have to relate with a lady in a 'new world' & in a different way.

I had been in a relationship with a beautiful damsel but it's a pity we got separated by distance and time. I believe it's because I had always been on the road, I only got to see her during the holidays. I set her free & now she's happily married with a lovely kid and yet we are still friends.

Ladies like to be chased, I certainly don't have any problem with that because it seems to be the norm. When a lady is forming hard to get maybe because she wants to test the guy & know if he's real; but be careful so you don't treat him like a fool. There is a huge difference between being careful & being silly. You are careful when you don't give up your guard so easily.

You tend to be silly when you like a guy & yet you let him go through dehumanising ordeals just because you think by doing so you are affirming the maxim: 'Nothing good comes easy'. As you are good as a lady, so he too is good as a guy. But remember, not every guy or lady is the same, who is good is based on your choice or taste.

Unattractive

Hey blogfam, so I have been keeping a secret from you guys for the past two weeks, I finally got a boyfriend, don't get too excited yet cos I was so excited too, was already thinking about blog name change also getting to share the good news with you guys but alas it was not meant to be. The boy let's call him Mr D and I broke up few days ago, I swear am not the one with the issues lool...so back to my single status *sighs*

I was thinking about the break up and the things guys do that just make them so unattractive like Mr D and I had just been dating for two seconds when he asked me to lend him N100k because he broke someone's Iphone, the first thought that came to my mind was when you know you don't have money for Iphone, why are you holding it. I told him I didn't have the money because honestly I didn't but I was so surprised he was asking me for that amount of money when we had practically just started dating. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping my boyfriend but this was the second time he was asking for money and such things make my guard go up. The same boys hate girls asking them for money is the same way a boy asking for money all the time is unattractive, we don't mind helping but not everyday asking.

The second thing is when guys are pessimistic, this is a pet peeve of mine. My friend introduced me to this guy, let's call him Mr O, well spoken, funny and articulate but when ever we had a conversation, I felt drained cos the guy was so negative about everything. All he would talk about is how he doesn't think he can make it in life, how he thought his height was a curse because he is too tall, how he never has money. Just imagine a conversation with that kind of person, I didn't understand how a thirty year old man could be so pessimistic and negative about life, and that attitude was just so unattractive, it turned me off completely. When I couldn't take it anymore, I gave him a lecture about how negative he was and deleted him off my bbm, lord knows I don't need any more negativity in my life.

The last thing I find very unattractive in guys is the ones that whine and throw themselves a pity party, especially when they think you have 'connections to help them and so all they do is talk about how there's no job, how life is hard or that all they do is sit at home, if only they knew me too am looking for the 'connections' too. Like you are a man and God has made you the provider and head of your family, you won't be able to fulfil that position if all you do is have a pity party every time life knocks you down, pull up your bootstraps and hustle till you make it.  No girl wants to date a whiner or someone who is not ambitious or ready to hustle. Whining especially when guys do it is just sooooo unattractive. 

So these are a few things that I find so unattractive. What do you find unattractive in a boy or girl?

Broken

Lord knows it took me a while to get inspired to write a post for this week, as I was contemplating shutting down the blog, but I met someone who said she loves my blog and a late night conversation with a friend sparked my inspiration for this post.

My male friend believes girls want a broken guy, someone that is malleable and compliant, that can  be turned, twisted and changed till he suits the girl, but I disagree with him, I don't think any girl wants a guy that she has to change or teach the right things to do in a relationship. Being in a relationship is already stressful enough that I don't think any girl wants a boy that can't take charge.

For example, I was dating this guy that never called or put my picture on bbm, yes I like things like that, don't judge lool. I started talking about putting my picture up because he always had his ex-girlfriend's picture up all the time, so I knew it was not like I was trying to change him because it was something he always did before we started dating.

Speaking further with my friend, I understood what he was saying about a girl wanting to change a boy , it's probably in every female's nature, we are nurturing and mothering and my friend agreed boys don't necessarily push themselves. So a girl can make some changes to a boy's life to push him to his dreams or make life easier for him. Like when I was with Mr S, he was such a serious person, didn't like to do fun things if he thought something would make him look silly, he won't do it but I coaxed him into trying some new things while we were together, am sure people will see this as trying to change him. I probably was but evidently it was all done to make him have a happier life.

I agree girls might like to change boys but I don't agree girls want a broken guy naaa...maybe some girls whom I have never met or heard of. As much as nobody can be perfect, a girl still wants her own Mr Right and Perfect, at least you start dating someone because they have the qualities you want, so why change that? When in a relationship, everyone should and want to retain their individuality because that's what makes the relationship fun but your individualities should be compatible enough to become unified.

My friend also owns a blog, you can check it out at http://the18thbook.wordpress.com/

So what do you think? Do you think we girls want a broken man so we cn change him completely?